The Worst Movies of 2012 Rant

Okay, its THAT time of year. Time for me to expel an absurd amount of negative energy in the best possible way that doesn't involve violence: ranting about the movies I hated this year. Just a few things before we get started: 1., as has been previously established, my under-17 age prevents me from seeing (and therefore reviewing) any of the R-rated flicks that came out this year (though I will be 16 by the time you read this :)). 2nd., I know most websites do their best of the year before their worst of they year, but hey, I'm not most websites, and I prefer to get the bad out of the way before the good. And 3rd., I didn't actually see enough bad movies this year to make a full list, hence this just being a rant. That being said, let's get going.

Okay, so we are gonna start off with the most unnecessary movie of 2012, Taken 2. Even the title is weird, it sounds like Taken to... the movies. Or something like that. And while, as always, Liam Neeson manages to give this some kind of credibility, Maggie Grace's overacting, a plot that's honestly kind of ridiculous, and action scenes with so much shaky cam, unnecessary cuts, and just bad directing that the entertainment value actually managed to get sucked out of them, successfully bogged this movie down to the point of not good. Have I done worse things with my Saturdays in the past? Probably. But this is still 100 minutes (and $6, it was a matinee) that I'm not getting back.The worst part of it is, this was a success financially, to the point where Taken 3 in which they all get kidnapped and the dog has to come and rescue them like in that episode of Smallville I'd rather forget about is most likely coming and I contributed to that. Now that's extreme guilt.

 

Moving on, lets talk about the other most unnecessary movie of the year. Now, in a Hollywood plagued by way too many remakes, you'd think studios would get the idea that we don't want remakes to things that don't need it. Now, rebooting brutally murdered franchises like Batman, Star Trek, and Spider-Man is one thing, but a Red Dawn remake? Really? Now, I have seen the original Red Dawn, and I honestly didn't like it very much, so I went into this with an opened mind that MAYBE it'd be good. Nope. The acting, for the most part was good, except for Josh Peck because he sounded like he had a cold the entire time and I just had trouble taking him seriously (there were was one moment where I legit expected him to say "HUG ME BROTHA!), but the fact that you really don't give a crap about any of these characters (and therefore it doesn't seem to matter when any of them die), and a solution that felt contrived and sort of stupid doesn't do the film any favors. Was there some entertainment value in this? Yes, if you're okay with just shutting your brain off and watching some mindless action, which is what I did. Heck, I did that to the point where I had to create a whole new rating for this movie: Red Dawn might make good background noise.

 

And now lets go back to January. That's right, I'm talking about Red Tails. Now, if you've been following my website for awhile, you might remember I gave this a somewhat positive review. I have since pondered this movie, and realized that there's quite a bit wrong with it. That being said, I also know why I liked it when I first saw it: it was the middle of January, and my friends and I had been through a week of stress studying for mid-terms. On Friday, we took the first two mid-terms, were relieved, but were still stressed because we knew we'd have to take two more come Monday. We were stressed out, so much so that when we got to a theater on a frigid January night, we didn't care about the terrible dialogue, cliched story lines, and general cheesiness; all we cared about was the awesome air battles and black Jesus jokes (you gotta admit, that was funny). There you have it, why I liked Red Tails. Do I acknowledge that its a bad movie? Yes. But do I still like? Yes. Call it a guilty pleasure.

 

And now here we go, its time to talk (type?) about the single worst movie I saw this entire year. The movie that I actively discouraged people from seeing, and that I hope makes it onto many a worst of 2012 list. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm talking about John Carter (of Mars?). When I first saw this, I didn't give it that bad of a review, but I didn't give it a good one either. But alas, its the kind of movie that the more you think about it, the more you hate it. Seriously, I once spent ten whole minutes thinking about his movie, and then I realized I hated it. Because its crap, that's why! I wanted to like it, too, I honestly did, but I couldn't. The first 30-45 minutes, and a lot of the movie after that, is really, really, REALLY, boring, everyone is overacting, especially Gambit from X-Men Origins, like to the point where I thought he was doing a Batman impression, whole chunks of it are just ridiculous (if he can jump wicked high because he's not used to the gravity, why does he fall at normal speed? And if he does, why aren't his legs breaking when he lands), it doesn't seem to know if its a kids movie or an adults movie (one minute their making silly, slapstick jokes, the next heads are rolling), it drags on for like a half hour longer than it should, the action looks cartoony (seriously, the action sequences in Young Justice look more real), the leads have zero chemistry, it was CLEARLY trying to be Avatar, and the ending; don't even get me started on the ending, because there are so many plot holes and so much general stupidity there that I want to scream just thinking about it. Its just crap in every sense of the word.

Alright, there you have it: my worst movies of 2012 rant. Look for my best of 2012 list, which should be easy because I'm gonna post them on the same day.

So, what do you think was the worst movie of 2012? Comment below, let me know!