Saturday, May 26, 2012

The Top 5 Best Bad Movies of All Time

You might be looking at this title and scratching your head a bit, thinking "wait, what is this right now?" I should explain the criteria for this list: to be here, it has a be a bad movie that I find myself watching all the way through. Therefore, no movies that straight up suck, and no movies that are actually good either. Let's get started.

5. Ghost Rider
Coming in at fifth place is Ghost Rider, Nicholas Cage's attempt at an action movie based on the Marvel Comic of the same name. He plays Johnny Blaze, a stunt rider who sells his soul to the Devil to save his dad's life. But then his dad dies anyway. Ten years and some hair loss later, Satan returns and curses Johnny, forcing him to transform into the fiery-skulled, motorcycle riding antihero dubbed the Rider every night. The Rider then collects the souls of the wicked. This plays hell on Johnny's personal life, and to make matters worse, a few demons show up in town wanting to destroy the Rider for reasons that are never given.

So why is it on this list?
To be honest, this is bordering on being a pile of straight up suck. It is one of the worst Nick Cage movies of all time (and that's saying something) with Cage doing a really bad southern accent coupled with a corny, predictable plot that happens to have a few kinda-okay action scenes. So why would I, or anyone, that matter, watch this all the through? To be honest, I don't know. When I watched it for the first time, I didn't like it, and I couldn't change the channel (it was on FX) for some reason. Go figure. If you've seen it, you know what I'm talking about.

4. Major League
You probably hate me right now for putting this here. But I don't get the same kick out of this other people do. So, Charlie Sheen (before he went around saying he was a warlock) and his ragtag team of wannabe baseball players try bring the Cleveland Indians out of an absurdly long slump, while dealing with an owner who wants them to loose so she can move the team to Florida.

Why is it on the list?
It's weird; I laughed maybe twice in this entire movie, and I watched until the credits rolled. Maybe it was Willy Mays Haze doing push ups while at bat (one of the scenes I laughed at). Maybe it was the novelty of seeing Charlie Sheen before he went of the deep end. Once again, go figure.

3. The Green Hornet
Seth Rogen plays a billionaire playboy by day and a masked vigilante with a car and a manservant who is much smarter then him by night in this comic book adaptation. Rogen then proceeds to wage a war on crime by posing as villains but actually being hero.

Why?
This is applicable to just about any Seth Rogen movie, but I just choose this one. It's kind of like if someone tried to make a serious movie and then halfway through they realized that they were really making a dumbed-down parody of the Dark Knight and cast Rogen as a result. I actually did laugh pretty hard a few times, and Kato was kind of awesome, but at the same time, I realize that this movie is incredibly stupid and just bad all the way. In a way, this list was created a few years ago when I walked out of theater after watching this and said "that was really bad... but I liked it..."

2. Top Gun
And then there's this movie. Tom Cruise (you know, before we all hated him) plays a maverick Navy pilot whose call sign is... Maverick. He and his buddy/copilot Goose go through an elite training program to learn the art of dog fighting. They deal with a rival in Iceman as Maverick romances his instructor.

Why?
Here's why: THE ENTIRE MOVIE IS A LESSON IN HOW NOT TO PICK UP A GIRL! Seriously, the movie really is just a combination of dog fights, weird-ass make outs, and poorly planned pick up lines that would probably get you sued for sexual harassment. And it was REALLY cheesy. And yet, somewhere in all that is where I found enjoyment. I think it was mostly the cool dog fights and the whole "Goodness Gracious! Great balls of fire!" thing. Whatever it was, I was entertained while I, at the same time, acknowledged the fact this wasn't a very good movie.

1. Napoleon Dynamite
It could only by Napoleon right here. The story of a rural high school geek who tries to get his equally odd friend Pedro elected class president. Along the way, they build a time machine, talk about Ligers, and do some stuff with Bo staffs.

Why?
You ever get that feeling where you laugh at something and then hate yourself right afterwards for whatever reason? Yeah, that's what happens when you watch this movie. It's hard to explain, really; to be honest, you really can only understand what I'm talking about if you've seen it. But, for whatever reason, I laughed and hated on this movie at the same time when I watched it, and that's what makes Napoleon Dynamite the greatest terrible movie of all time.

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